Tag Archives: jokes


For homework my students had to write an interview, either with the talking dog or its owner. Got some brilliantly creative pieces of work, the most complex involving an ageless Laika (the Soviet canine space pioneer) and a byzantine cover-up of her alleged death, involving aliens and Chernobyl. By the time I had finished reading, the  fact that she could talk appeared to be a virtual aside.

Other stories included the tale of the poor mutt who supported Ch*ls** FC and who was able to sing  that particular club’s tawdriest anthem. It appears that my students know that I am a Leeds United supporter and are taking the mickey in a particularly uncouth way.

Time for a change of subject. Jokes. Specifically the jokes of Tim Vine and the late Tommy Cooper. (For some weird reason a google search of ‘Tim Vine jokes’ throws out a load of classics which are indisputably gems from the puntastic armoury of Tommy Cooper. Like this doggy one: So I went to the dentist. He said “Say Aaah.” I said “Why?” He said “My dog’s died.'”) Anyway, Tim Vine is a wordplay genius and his jokes are delectable. Here are my three favourites:

🙂 I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. Tell you what: never again.

🙂 🙂 I was walking down the road the other day and I saw this advert in the window that said: ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.’ I thought: ‘I can’t turn that down.’

🙂 🙂 🙂  So I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.’

That last one had me spitting tea all over the keyboard.